leaveten's Diaryland Diary

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two.

My new years resolutions (directly from my myspace blog)..

++ means added on info :)

#1. If you're going to take advantage of me, then you lost me. That's permanent.

I don't need to take shit from assholes any more than I already do. If I gave you a chance, then appreciate that. Don't call me a bitch for not giving you another. What you give tends to be what you get. I may not always live up to that, but this time I'll try.

++EXAMPLES: Like when I give Tim a million more chances than he deserves and instead of being thankful I'm forgiving him for the stupid shit he does that NO ONE else would forgive his ass for, he decides to be an ASSHOLE all over again cause he knows I'm not going to do anything about it. That.. is done with. Or putting my friends before a lot of other people, and they can't do that for me. Because obviously everything their fucking some other asshole does is the sweetest shit ever, and as for me, that goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. Don't think I'm going to keep being nice if you're going to pass it off as no big deal or like it's something people usually do. Because they don't. And I don't usually be cocky or conceded but I'm a fucking nice ass person. And no, most other people would not be the same. So be thankful. EMBRACE it. Well, that's what should have happened. It's too late for that one now. See if I do shit for anyone before they earn it.


#2. Do not be lazy.

I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not be lazy;; I will not..

++ YES, I know everyone says this but I'm smart! I really am. I know I am. I have potential. I just need to use it. For once I need to do my best and be proud of myself. Not try to swing by doing as little as possible. It has nothing to do with my capability, it has to do with my lack of effort. I've been saying it forever, but this NEEDS to be fixed. I'll call it my strongest resolution.


#3. Secrets

..have become too much to handle by myself. I need to start trusting again&& accepting the people who deserve it.

++It might upset them, or make them act like assholes about it but they'd do it anyway, so might as well. FUCK I hope this is the year everyone stops being so fucking selfish and lets me DO WHAT THE FUCK MAKES ME HAPPY and not make me feel like shit about it. It's been a long time since I've done ANYTHING for myself without worrying about someone else, then again that's something only Erik and Jonathan really know about. Maybe Manpreet, she's never asked but I guess it's kind of obvious if you know me. I don't know. No one ever asks about me unless its "whats up?" or "how are you" so I just take it they don't care. Anyway, I've been working on this for a very long time, but I guess I haven't gotten very far, so here it is again: No one else is going to attempt to make you happy without thinking of themselves. No one cares how you feel if it hurts them. No one is willing to deal with your problems just because you help deal with theirs. No one wants you to be happy if it means doing something they don't like. No one cares, so you have to.

#4. **Don't hold grudges

I do that too much. Whatever your thinking, I probably did not let go of. Sorry. Even if I said I did. I'm working on it this time.

++I expect that people do the same. So I get upset more than I should. And worry too much. And am afraid to be myself, because I don't want to hurt anyone the way they hurt me sometimes. I don't want to do something small that's actually big to someone else and hurt them. Because it happens a lot to me. And I know how bad it feels. And I never tell anyone, so maybe if they feel that way they wouldn't tell me. And I don't want to do that to anyone. I don't ever want to give someone a reason to look at me as someone that does things wrong or has hurt them. That's something I'd hold against myself.

#5. Get off my own vacation.

It's time to get back on track&& stop running away. T'was a good rest, but life has officially started again.

++ Out of my "I don't care about anyone or have to be social and do anything" phase and back to doing what I have to do and being who I am. I guess it goes back to the laziness.



&& not over analyze (as much)...


Happy New Year everyone. Best wishes.

10:52 p.m. - 2007-01-02

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