leaveten's Diaryland Diary



every time i save something to write in here its like my mind goes blank when i do it.

well ive given jonathan my favorite book a good 6 months ago, and now that we dont talk, i cant even ask to borrow it. it sucks cause we used to be so close. i gave him that book to help him find whatever he was missing. he's like the only person, or the first person, that was truely there for me through all the manpreet shit. we were BEST friends. what happened to that? honestly i hate julia for turning him into what she did. i can barely look at him anymore. i bet he never bothered reading that book. i could cry talking about the people that i've lost/am losing.

my sister is completely lost. i was as nice as i could be to her today. she was in a good mood but i could tell she was being fake. i swear diary, i want to do everything i can to make her as happy as she can be. i love her so much that i'm crying writing this out. she's such an amazing person and i just want her to be so happy. i remember a few weeks ago she fell asleep on the couch and my parents wanted to wake her up and i wouldnt let them. i just got my blanket and put it over her and turned the tv off. it might be weird but i watched her for like a minute and i saw in her everything. if i ever have kids i want them to be just like her. shes so incredable. i just wish she knew how much i care about her. that i'm always willing to listen and that i'm so sorry for when it seems like im not. i miss her. whatever happened.

the only real things ive gained lately, that i'm so thankful for, are sean and laila. their really like air. i dont know what i'd do without them. i hope they're here to stay. it hurts to think they might not be.

9:41 pm - 09-06-07


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