leaveten's Diaryland Diary


dont read this.

here goes a lot.

i cant stand my sister anymore. i really cannot stand her. ive tried being nice to her and ive tried everything. she hits but i wont hit her back (an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind). she plays her music up so loud because she doesnt have any respect for other people. she doesnt talk to my parents and yells at my mom. my mom even said she was starting to be scared of her. shes such a brat and she doesnt listen to anyone. shes tearing apart our whole family. i just wish i could throw her out of it. she doesnt deserve to be here. stupid brat takes everything for granted. if only things worked the way they do in movies, and in some weird way she'd learn a lesson. i fucking hate how sad she makes my mom. she doesnt have any right to decide if my mom deserves that or not. she thinks she can. shes not half the person. she doesnt really deserve anything. shes spoiled, stupid, and unaware. i have a racing image in my head and i know i can hurt her too, way worse, without even touching her. i know if i did touch her shed bleed five minutes into it. but i wont. i like to think im bigger than that.

other than that little stress theres college of course. i cant even go into it. i dont want to. i wont.

of course, being bipolar. of course it would ruin things. of course. i dont know what i was thinking. my ocd. poison. it ruins things with my friends. i couldnt go to makeilas birthday last year. i feel bad about the smallest things to the point where its not healthy. i have trouble concentrating on things that count. and now sean. of course. just of course. "thats life" no it isnt.

my grades are of course, shitty. i have no control over my own life. i have to check everything i do with one person or another.

and my dad. telling my dad about sean. another thing i need to think about. one on top of the other.

mostly its my sister and that stupid bipolar thing. i cant take it. i hate not being able to do things. i hate her. (please note that throughout the course of this diary, i have not said i "hate" anyone. i dont use the word. i dont like it. unless somethings reallllly getting to me).

goodnight diary. i'll tell you about all the good stuff next entry. it would be a shame to do it in such a bad mood.

7:32 pm - 12-02-07


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