leaveten's Diaryland Diary


catch up

i remember when we were six, we used to play tag all the time. and she would run faster than me, she always knew the best hiding spots, and i was always behind her. i wasn't really scared of getting caught, i just didn't want to lose her. so she'd run and i'd follow her. she'd get caught before me anyway, because i was always more quiet and whoever was chasing us wanted to find her.

i didn't know it then, but this would end up being the basis of our relationship. the biggest difference between me and her is that she's so much bigger than life. she writes her own rules, plays her own games, and doesn't leave anything/anyone how it was before she got to it. she has this effect on everything, like a vibration, and she leaves traces of herself on everything she touches. i'm more like a ghost, so used to stepping in her footprints to avoid leaving my own. i just watch her, hiding in her shaddows, and maybe that's something that should bother me more than it does but i like it that way. i like to be unnoticed, i couldn't do the things she does. where she has everything figured out, i'm always lost and maybe that's why i'm always lagging behind her, waiting for her to take the first step so that i know it's safe, then chasing after her pushing myself beyond my limits so that i don't lose her because while i know she'll always be her no matter who i am or what i do, i'm afraid of where i'd be if she wasn't three steps ahead of me making the way.

3:57 am - 08-22-11


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