leaveten's Diaryland Diary


on december 27th.

Tonight, I've been reading some old entries. And I wanted to take a moment to bookmark my life, as it stands today. This is a post about things I noticed from the past, and updates on that. It's also a reminder to future me about who I am today.

In old entries, I talked about all the pain I've felt from my relationship with my sister. But it's cyclical, something I don't think I acknowledged in the past. My sister is my soulmate. We are two halves of the same whole. In so many ways, I feel lucky to be safely on this side; broken, but pieced together. I don't know if she's found her glue yet, but I think we are okay now. I hope she sees the love I've always had for her. I hope she is okay.

I sent her what I had written about her years ago, and I hope that cheered her up. We are still friends, best friends. I know she has been down lately, but I know P. I know it in my heart that she will pick back up. She doesn't see it, but she is the strongest person I have ever met. When the world wages war, P is the greatest defender.

Well, we broke up a while ago. I realized that everything I felt for him was really what I wanted to feel. Or I don't know, maybe it was real at the time. But Eric was abusive. Eric had done things to me that he doesn't realize. No, I'm not perfect but I did not deserve it. Nonetheless, I'm better for it. I regret nothing. I learned years and years ago not to regret, because all of our experiences made us who we are today. My God am I proud of who I am today.

12:55 am - 12-27-18


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